so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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