plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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