Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Of course I have a pirate flag
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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