I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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