yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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