I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
