Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
