I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
