woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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