There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
