halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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