i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
