I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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