i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
