clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
