Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
