just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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