Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
