well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
