i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
