I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
