So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
