I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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