i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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