woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
