Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
