he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
