and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
