Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
