He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
True college students do jello shots in the library
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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