also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
