I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
