I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
