ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
