Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
