I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
