What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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