I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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