I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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