Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
