He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
