Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
