I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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