I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
