he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
