Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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