I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
