you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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