why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
