As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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